In a move that’s sure to ruffle feathers—or should we say, fur?—California Governor Gavin Newsom has abruptly pulled the plug on his controversial “Labrador Vote” initiative, which aimed to enfranchise the state’s golden retrievers, chocolate labs, and other floppy-eared citizens in the upcoming elections. Sources close to the governor’s office say the decision came after polls showed that Labradors were overwhelmingly leaning toward third-party candidates, like that squirrel from the backyard.”Look, we love our Labs—they’re loyal, they fetch votes like nobody’s business,” Newsom reportedly told a room full of bewildered aides during a late-night strategy session. “But when Fido starts barking about universal chew toys and free belly rubs, it’s time to rethink our democracy.”The Labrador Vote program, first floated as a way to pad Democratic turnout in suburban districts, would have allowed registered canines to cast ballots via paw-print scanners at local dog parks. Critics, including the American Kennel Club’s political action committee, decried it as “paws-itively unconstitutional,” arguing that it discriminated against cats, who apparently prefer absentee ballots delivered by laser pointer.But fear not, animal-loving constituents! In a pivot that’s as slick as Newsom’s hair gel, the governor has unveiled Plan B: busing in entire communities of platypuses from Australia to shore up support in key battleground areas like the Central Valley. Yes, you read that right—platypuses. Those egg-laying, beaver-tailed, duck-billed wonders of evolution are being flown in (business class, naturally) and granted expedited voter registration under a new “Exotic Import” clause in California’s ever-expanding election laws.”Don’t worry, they are peaceful and won’t prick you,” assured Newsom in a press conference held at the San Diego Zoo, where a small delegation of platypuses was on display, looking mildly confused and adorably venomous. “These little guys are the future of progressive politics. They’re semi-aquatic, which means they’re all about climate adaptation, and their electroreception abilities will help detect fake news from a mile away.”Environmentalists have raised eyebrows at the logistics, pointing out that platypuses aren’t exactly native to California’s drought-stricken rivers. “We’re talking about importing monotremes en masse,” said one Sierra Club spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being labeled a “species-ist.” “Next thing you know, we’ll have koalas running for Senate, promising eucalyptus subsidies.”The platypus busing initiative, dubbed “Operation Billabong Ballot,” involves chartering Greyhound buses retrofitted with shallow pools and eucalyptus-scented air fresheners. Early adopters in Fresno report that the new arrivals are integrating smoothly, though there have been isolated incidents of platypuses short-circuiting voting machines with their natural electrical fields.Republican opponents are crying foul, accusing Newsom of “importing voters from down under to flip the state even bluer.” House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, in a fiery tweet storm, declared, “This is worse than the time they tried to let avocados vote in 2020. At least avocados are from California!”Undeterred, Newsom’s team is already eyeing expansions. Rumors swirl of negotiations with pangolins for the 2026 midterms, with one insider whispering, “They’re scaly, but their armor-plated resilience is perfect for withstanding attack ads.”As California hurtles toward this brave new world of zoological democracy, one thing’s clear: in the Golden State, politics isn’t just a dog-eat-dog world—it’s a platypus-prick-platypus one. Stay tuned, folks; the next election cycle might just go to the birds. Or the mammals. Or whatever platypuses are.
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But back in 2020 the avocados they were using weren’t even from here , they came up from south of the border. Now he’s trying to import voters from another country again. Unbelievable!